Deprivation.

It has been a minute since I had these fingers typing up a post and I have a lot to say. 2022 has come with several highs, but more lows. Let us jump right in... I have been in a dark space and dang near depressed because I lost my hearing in my right ear. It is not completely gone, but it has gone enough for me to have to change and adapt. Here is what happened and here is what I know... In April 2022 I noticed pressure in my ears, like my ears felt as if they were clogged. Along with the pressure, I also experienced continuous ringing in my ears. I am thinking it's allergies I call my doctor they said the same thing...allergies. After a month I'm like OK I'm taking allergy medication and Flonase and it's still not working. On top of that, I noticed that when I would try to talk on the phone on my right side, everyone sounds muffled and like they are under water. I asked for a referral to a specialist. I go to the appointment thinking they are just going to see an excessive amount of wax, clean it out and then bam, I'm good (sorry if that sounded gross). Well, that was not the case...I did a hearing test and failed it on my right side. I see the doctor after the audio test, and they say I have a rare case of high intensity hearing loss that they have seen occurring a lot lately. They said at some point a virus (could be Covid, common cold, etc.) attacked the nerve in my ear and if you do not catch it quick with steroids it can be permanent. The news hit me like a ton of bricks. The doctor started talking hearing aids, permanent this and that, other stuff but by that time I clocked out and only heard my cries. Since then, I have seen three doctors. The last two are amazing and I go in between them. So where am I in the process... Covid finally hit my family early August for the first time and that made my hearing worst. The doctor said I was his first patient that has experienced double hearing loss within 3 months. So, they put me on another round of steroids that by the way...makes me gain a thousand pounds (exaggeration) in a matter of weeks. AND I had to get an injection of steroids in my ear on August 29th, can we say…OUCH. How am I processing? Well, initially not good. God blessed me with two beautiful kids, and I know his plan is for me to hear them through everything. Those whispers when they're scared that only I can interpret, those screams of joy, the laughter when we are being silly, my husband whispering in my ear "I love you" randomly on the grocery store aisle, my mom's voice during our everyday chat sessions, and so much more...he will not put more on me than I can handle. I keep saying this and I am not going to lie saints...when I went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago and they said my hearing had worsen, I was so angry! I questioned, I doubted, I shutdown, I was sad and mad. Heck, I'm human and I extended myself grace to be all those emotions. I still cry occasionally, I get sad when I must step away from family time because the noise is a little too much, I get frustrated when I am out to brunch or dinner with my girlfriends and I only can focus on what one person is saying at a time…it is not easy. What's next? I have a follow up appointment this week, so we'll see. Please if you know anyone experiencing this let me know. If you have questions, please do not hesitate to ask. If you ever feel like something is not right with your body...DONT WAIT...CALL YOUR DOCTOR AND ASKED TO BE SEEN OR REFERRED TO A SPECIALIST IF NEEDED. I cannot end without sharing how grateful I am for my support system. My family, my mom and husband who goes to my appointments with me and help me manage the day-to-day changes, my sister and nephew for the outpouring of love, my kids for bringing me my earplugs and cotton balls when they know they are being too loud and causing pain, but I won't say it because I don't want to miss out on memories, my sista-friends y'all already know how I feel about you. I love you all and THANK YOU. GOD, I TRUST YOU...LEAD THE WAY...

Till next time,

Kesha La’Sara